Ten Signs You Need a Sex Makeover

Too many married women lose interest in sex because they keep having single-woman sex. It makes sense then that married women must learn to have married-woman sex.

Well of course the burning question on everybody’s mind is, “What the heck is married-woman sex and how do I have it?”

Unfortunately, a key point always gets missed. Women must first work through any negative feelings she has towards sex before she can move forward with married-woman sex. The operative word here is “work”, not shove down, ignore or deny.

When the quick-fix cart is put before the libido horse, a woman will compound her low sex drive frustration. A common example is when people ask me to teach them new “sex tricks”, thinking it will translate to more interesting sex and a higher sex drive. Wrong answer. Years of unresolved, unacknowledged bedroom frustration will stifle any joy gleaned from sexy new moves.

A low sex drive is not like having a flu-something you can “get over” quickly or with a pill. Sexual desire is not something you feel only prior to sex. It’s all the things that go around the sexual experience: your wish, your motivation, and your physical urge to connect in sex.

Add to this the fact that sexual desire and sexual arousal are not one and the same. Sexual arousal refers to the physical and psychological sensations that result from sexual stimulation. Sexual desire is in the brain, while sexual arousal is the body-state-both need to work in unison for a woman to want to have sex. If one or both are even a little out of sync, no sex.

It all comes down to you liking the person and wanting sex in order to have sex. Sound too simplistic to be true? Not really. For the average couple (i.e., couples who aren’t experiencing extraordinary challenges), a big barometer for any relationship is the intimacy and sex that couple is having. If something is out of whack personally, professionally or in the relationship, the sex will show it.

Having single-woman sex: clutch and grab the hot spots, focus on orgasm and let the man’s needs come first (although men are not at fault for our sexual socialization), will do little to nothing for a woman’s lagging sexual desire or arousal. Single-woman sex relies on a love-drugged, revved up libido. After two years, the love drugs wear off and the woman is stuck having the same old sex, which becomes more and more unsatisfying.

So here are ten signs that your sex life might need a makeover-there could be a thousand signs on this list.

(1) You see a young couple kissing and canoodling and you think back fondly, “I remember when…”

(2) Your guy gives you a little bedtime nooky elbow-nudge and you Clint Eastwood-like glower at him and growl back, “Go ahead. Make my day.”

(3) Sex? What Sex?

(4) You count the days between sex to figure when it’s time to have guilt-sex.

(5) You freeze up when your partner playfully touches you because you don’t want him getting the “wrong idea”.

(6) You start buying the ten-pack of grandma-style cotton panties from Costco.

(7) You only ever do it missionary style because it smoothes out the wrinkles and fat during sex.

(8) On a without-kids weekend getaway, having sex once a day is over the top crazy.

(9) Tucking into a good romance novel is far better than the real thing.

(10) Hot and bothered only happens to you now when the thermostat is broken.

How did you do? Sex makeover needed?

Finally, we can answer the burning question, “What is married-woman sex?” For starters, she feels like she is an equal in the bedroom. Neither her sexual desire nor her arousal is derived from libido. She feels enough sexual self-confidence to step it up and take initiative in the bedroom. Sex easily fits into the context of her busy life, where the optimal amount of sex is what works for her at this time in her life.

Yes I know. Nothing concrete, only theory-and what good is theory when there is no starting place? Well here are some questions to chew on:
– How long have you been with your partner?
– How many more years do you intend to stay with him?
– What is your present sexual situation?
– What would you like your sex to be?
– Most importantly, what is the gap between the two sexual situations?

It is this gap you need to take a good hard look at and work through together before you can have a life of fabulous married-woman sex.

Go to: [http://bestsextipsever.com/] for your free podcasts. Find out about Dr. Trina’s book, Till Sex Do Us Part at [http://tillsexdouspart.com] Sexologist, Dr. Trina Read, is an author, sex coach, regular television and radio show guest, spokesperson, magazine columnist, former national sex newspaper columnist and internationally acclaimed speaker.

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